I grew up on Ninja Turtles (I was a Donatello guy). I had the action figures. I watched the cartoon. And I loved the cheesy movies from the 90’s. I could identify with them because I was also a kid and also liked pizza. Thus I was the target audience for this movie. The studio hoped middle aged guys like me would take their kids. It was obviously a wise and successful strategy because even though reviews were critical it was #1 in the box office for 2 weeks in a row. However, despite being commercially successful this movie was not good. People paid to see it but didn’t seem to like it. It got a 61 on the Rotten Tomatoes user score (linked below) and a B in CinemaScore (very low for a #1 movie).

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Splinter: “Should we all go see the new TMNT movie?” Donatello: “Please don’t make me go.”

So where did this movie go wrong? Maybe I’m just judging it too harshly because it was the next movie I saw after Guardians of the Galaxy (which I loved). That might play a role, but in reality the biggest problem was that this was actually the April O’Neil Story featuring the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Even if it was someone I really liked (Emma Stone or Anna Kendrick) was playing her it still would have been way too much April in this movie. That problem was magnified because Megan Fox was playing the part of Ms. O’Neil. And in case you’ve never seen her act before, she is just awful. I don’t see how and why she had such a major role in the movie. She was just so bad. Like Mystery Science Theater bad.

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Remember when the actual Ninja Turtles were the star of the movie?

Another problem was the Turtles themselves. They had some good moments and their action sequences looked good. But their characters were very lazily put together. Michelangelo likes pizza and makes one liners. Raphael is grumpy. Donatello invents stuff. All the same stuff as always with no nuance at all. And they just weren’t fun. Ninja Turtles is always going to be ridiculous. I mean they are mutated reptile martial artists between the ages of 13-19. So plausible is out the window. But at least shoot for cool and fun Michael Bay.

Leonardo: “Where did Splinter study ninjitsu?” Donatello: “Actually, he learned it all from reading a book he found in the sewer.”

Shredder was lame too. He was like a power ranger villan. He looked bad and ascted worse. His main henchwoman was terrible too. So was his apprentice the rich guy.  Just so much bad acting. Even the normally funny Will Arnett struggled. I guess once Megan Fox infects you with her bad acting virus its hard to recover.

I want to find something positive to say about this movie, but i just can’t. I didn’t like the beginning, the middle or the end. One my popcorn was gone I was just sad. Watch the old movies instead.

 

Final Verdict: “Poor”

DVD: Not good for little kids, young adults, full grown adults or retired people. But teenagers might enjoy renting it.

RT Audience Score: 61

CinemaScore: B

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IMDB Rating: [imdblive:rating]

Director: [imdblive:directors]

Cast: [imdblive:cast]